q and a.

"What was the greatest challenge that you faced in the composition--was it: finding a topic? getting the computer to cooperate? adequate development? Whatever it was, explain the challenge in writing and what you did to handle it."

I would have to say that the biggest issue I faced was trying to overcome my writer's block. I got stuck in a lot of places, trying to find the right word here or the right phrase there. I also had issues with my topic, not that I didn't immediately know what I wanted to write about, but I debated all through the paper as to whether or not it was relevant. I don't think my topic reached enough people, or gave enough room for adequate description. I could be wrong, but that's my opinion.

"In another paragraph, explain how YOU reacted to reading other blogs. Did you enjoy it? What it more of a pain and aggravation? What did YOU gain in reading and , more importantly, commenting on the blogs you read?"

I really enjoyed reading other blogs. It was a unique experience, in that I don't usually get to read a lot of other people's work (except for when I was editor of the Literary Magazine in high school; too much of a good thing). It was a nice change.

I'd write more but I am DAMN ANGRY right now (as most people in the class know, cause I can't shut up), cause my dad bought HIMSELF a new car (which is a 2 door little Honda, MY PERFECT CAR) instead of focusing on the huge problem - my carlessness. I wouldn't be so mad if he didn't have a working condition truck already and we weren't "ACTIVELY SEARCHING" for a car for me right now.
Why did he say I couldn't have it, you ask?
It was "too nice."

tgi...th?

Right now I'm in the library because I am pretty sure they are sick of seeing me in the PSC sitting outside the coffee shop. Also because I was seriously just there for over an hour, since I finished my math test in 30 minutes and left afterward. I walked all the way to my Psychology class, and it was canceled again. I guess that's a good thing, technically, but I hate walking all that way for nothing. There WAS bottled Diet Dr. Pepper in the vending machine in that building though, plus the machine took my card without a hitch this time (out of the ordinary), so it wasn't a total loss I suppose.
Some guy just came in with a leather old-style vintage hard briefcase. I really wish I had a briefcase; that would be sweet. I guess it would be impractical, especially considering the fact I have a laptop bag that can be used as a briefcase if I detach the body-strap. But it's not a leather hardshell brown briefcase.
I was thinking about checking out a book, maybe seeing if they had a little Nietzsche or something, but I have a horrible track record with libraries. I am the worst at checking out books; I have a shameful experience regarding the public library in my town involving a fine that was upwards of $60, and a vow to never return. I don't want to repeat my actions, especially considering the fact that I have to come back here, and if I screw up I'll actually have to take responsibility for my actions. That can't happen.
I guess I could manage to bring the books back; I pass the library (with its book drop-off outside) every Tuesday and Thursday, with plenty of time to return it. I read fast, and I am at loss for anything to do this evening (I should be studying, but I miss reading!) so I could have it back in exactly a week, or less.
I guess I'll give it a shot. I just can't deny my adoration of free reading material. I cannot help myself. ):

(I suppose when your self control is only in jeopardy when you want to check out a book from the library and or buy 50% discounted cookware from Kroger, you are not in too bad of shape. I may not have self-control, but damn if I don't have brand new pots and pans for $25 and a book to read. Maybe I'll make myself some pasta and READ tonight. Aw yeah.

...at least I'm not doing crack)

the good, the bad, and the sneezy

Things that are awesome:

• My psychology class was cancelled for the day, which means I got to sit around and draw horrible little comics and doodles and drink tea.
• Muffins that are almost as big as my whole head. Seriously. I had one today.
• I thought I lost my septum ring today, but I found it like 30 minutes after. Since I lose my septum ring too much and have to buy new ones all the time, that was pretty neat.
• My math test today was pushed back to Thursday since my professor wasn't here last Thursday. That is good, since I didn't study at all.
• My history test curve just got posted, and I initially made a WONDERFUL 67. I cried, thinking I was going to end up failing the class or something, lose my HOPE, blahblah... it ended up that everyone did AWFUL and the curve brought my test score up to a B. TWO LETTER GRADES. I am now worry-free.
• My new refrigerator/freezer combo is working better than I could have ever hoped, and although it is smaller than its late predecessor, it is old and reminds me of the 70s and I like that. Also, since it is not crammed with freezerburnt meat and the like, it has more usable space. Thirdly, it is perfectly clean and disenfected and the only things in it are things we use constantly. No sifting through old condiments.

Things that could be better:

• I am sick. There is no way around it. I have stolen two small rolls of toilet tissue from the bathroom today, and used up the first one and a good bit of the second. I feel like every time I sneeze, people look around shiftily and assume I have H1N1. Which brings me to the point: I just got onto someone for being paranoid about this 'swine flu' thing, and I am sick now. First thing that comes to my mind: I need to go to the doctor and see if this is swine flu, oh my god I am going to die I need to see a doctor immediately I think my body is aching now that is a flu symptom oh man this is the end.
• My mom is the greatest failure of a parent in history, and I have not had a cell phone in about a week due directly to this fact. I also had to buy my own groceries for the first time, also as a result of my mom being Martha freaking Stewart.

I actually don't have that much to complain about, which is pretty sweet. And since I was all bugged out and weird on allergy medicine (I am SO hardcore...) when I left my required blog comments, I am going to go check and make sure I did it right. Word to the wise: Don't take like 4 Benadryl and do pseudo-schoolwork at like midnight. Seriously.

I feel so lame. I'm one of the only people who updates regularly to this thing... I'm a total loser I guess.

):

EDIT: Since this is an English blog and reading pertains to such, I am going to mention that I just finished reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk and it was INCREDIBLE. It is vulgar, gritty, confusing (in the best way possible), surprising, groundbreaking, and just plain INTERESTING. I, and this is saying a whole hell of a lot, think this may be my favorite Chuck Palahniuk book (and I've read all but 3 I believe). Don't read about it online before you read it, though... it is a bunch of surprises and you don't want to ruin it for yourself. But if you are into that kind of stuff (ex. if you liked the movie -or book- Fight Club, you'll dig this!) you should check it out as soon as possible. I MEAN IT.

premium concentrated bloggery

Today has all the makings of greatness, in that I didn't have to go to math class (my professor didn't show up), and I got to drink hot tea and read my book (I know I should be studying, but when do I ever get the chance to read anymore? A: Never.) instead! And since I have two decent classes afterward, my day increased in greatness tenfold.
After this, I'm going shopping for Jeremy's birthday with my best friend (who I haven't seen in a few days), and then I don't have school for four more days! And hopefully somewhere between the end of this class and the beginning of my shopping excursion, I'll get to look at some cars with my dad. We're in the active buying process, and looking hard at a particular car (2003 Honda Civic SI, in the most awesome shade of blue you could imagine) which makes me absolutely giddy.
This entry is lacking in the length department, but I want to finish my essay more than I want to talk about my day, so that's what I'm going to do!

Another Man's Treasure? - (Yes, this is my descriptive essay!)

Another Man’s Treasure?

As of late, I have become intensely interested in compulsive hoarding. Psychology, and various irregularities within it, has always been of keen interest to me. However, that ‘close to home’ feeling hits fairly strong when it comes to compulsive hoarding. I can recall at least a handful of people I care for who have displayed some of these behaviors, with varying severity. No, I did not grow up in a home piled floor-to ceiling with boxes of trinkets and papers and other ‘treasures’, but I know people who did and I’ve seen it firsthand. I must say, at this point, not only does it sadden me; it absolutely fascinates me.
Compulsive hoarding is defined by Wikipedia as “the acquisition of, and failure to use or discard such a large number of seemingly useless posessions that it causes significant clutter and impairment to basic living activities such as mobility, cooking, cleaning, showering, or sleeping.” This is a good definition, because not only does it describe the behavior, it describes the consequences of such. Compulsive hoarders, as I have come to understand, identify themselves as their possessions. When a hoarder’s house is emptied, it is as if their heart is emptied with it.
A sad little familiarity strikes me when I watch things on television about hoarders and see some of the homes piled full of ‘treasures’. I remember a friend I had in my childhood; we will call her Marie for the sake of anonymity. I was sure she had everything: a bigger house than mine, more clothes and toys than I had, infinite food (rarely of the healthy variety) in the kitchen and even sprawling out onto the back porch. I was never at loss for any of those things, it just seemed that everything I had, she had more of. Obviously, I was a little jealous, but as time passed and I grew older, I began to feel sympathy replace my envy.
Every surface of their home was covered with, for lack of a better word, stuff. Their kitchen table and chairs were all piled high with Halloween candy, clothes, trinkets, Christmas decorations, and anything else you could readily imagine. There existed a spare bedroom in which Marie used to practice piano (one of her many short-lived hobbies) that grew so full of toys and clothes and collectibles it could not be used for anything other than storage. Their hallways were lined with boxes full of souvenirs and papers they “might need someday”, limiting the walking area to strictly what was necessary.
Marie’s bedroom was always in squalor, full of so many things that she could never use. The clothing she had so much of filled the closet, the dressers (there were two), and several boxes. She was a girl whose parents indulged in her short-lived but passionate hobbies, such as clarinet (she played through two years of middle school and no more), painting (an easel sat abused in the corner after a use or two), knitting (yarn snaked over her bed, the floor, and even sometimes into the hallway; I am still not sure that she ever completed a project), and reading (unread volumes spilled out from the bookshelf onto the floor , into even more boxes, and under the bed).
Their garage was another cesspool, in which no cars were parked. It was full of boxes (they must have bought them wholesale) that contained Marie’s childhood toys that had made it out of the house, more and more trinkets and ‘gifts’, Christmas trees (note the plural form), and anything else they could fit there that wasn’t crammed into their home. Marie was one of the few lucky enough to have a playhouse; hers was even two-story and had air-conditioning! The only catch was that she couldn’t utilize it, for stuffed animals, play kitchens, and ‘science experiments’ prevented it from any real meaningful use.
Most compulsive hoarders are different than Marie’s family, in that they are typically lower income. The ‘treasures’ they save are usually picked through from garbage, bought secondhand, or handed down from a friend or relative. Marie’s family was a different breed; everything in their home was brand new. The problem seemed to be that every time Marie’s mother (or, eventually, Marie herself) saw something she that caught her eye, she bought it instead of just appreciating its existence. The lines of need and want were blurred and undefined within their family, and eventually want engulfed need.
So, while Marie did have a bigger house and more things than I did, I came to realize quantity wasn’t always as important as quality. The façade of Marie’s family as a picture-perfect Norman Rockwell painting has dissolved with time and wisdom. I have finally stopped seeing her as a fairy princess in her castle, and I’ve finally come to see her family for what they truly are: prisoners in their own lavish home.

trying to be happy.

I had a pretty awful morning this morning, that involved an argument with my father, a little anger toward my boyfriend, and skipping math class. I guess I should probably have just done my business and gone to class, but I wasn't even in the Jones Building by the time my class started at 8, and I didn't want to come in late with a puffy red face. One or the other, sure, but both? No.
Anyway, I am pretty sure I am going to go insane if I don't get my car soon. Seriously. All the 'festivities' of my morning would never have occured if I could just afford a car. People have no idea how lucky they are to have simple things, like a paid-for car (or even just something they can afford to make payments on.) Not having a car is seriously the biggest hurdle I've ever had to face in my life, and I am not being melodramatic.
Think of this: I've never gone anywhere completely alone. I'm at the mercy of others, so I am often late for things like class, events, etc. I am left out of things frequently because if my friends can't or won't go (and pick me up), I can't go. I spend more on gas money, giving it to others, than I would for myself. I can't get a job until I get a car, and my self-employed father has to take me to school every day. COLLEGE.
Being broke is a vicious cycle. Your parents are broke, they can't afford to send you to private school and/or buy you a car. So you can't work, and you have to ride the bus until you find great friends or you graduate. Even if you're a senior. Your parents can't afford to send you to college, and even if you get Pell grant, you still can't afford to go anywhere 'good' (I'm not speaking poorly of Macon State, I am just saying I never had the opportunity to go anywhere else.) You have to go straight to work, or to tech school and get a low-paying job. You have kids. The cycle starts again. It takes a lot of hard work and adversity to rise above that and break the cycle, which I'm trying really hard to do.
My mother isn't in the picture, no help from her at all. My dad is finally buying me a car, but business in August is always slow as all hell, so I am still waiting. I'm not ungrateful; don't get me wrong. I am just so sick of making everyone help me out. I want to be self sufficient. I want to be able to say "I feel like going to do this.", and just go do it without having to bum a ride or drag an unwilling boyfriend along. And I want to be able to finally get a real job, and make money (I worked for my dad, I mentioned he was self employed, this summer. I saved up a lot, and I've spent the vast majority of it on textbooks and gas money.) on a regular basis. Normal things people don't really think twice about are all I really want.
I am so tired of feeling guilty for having to be so selfish. Most of the time, I think I should have probably waited another semester (or another year!) to go to college, so I wouldn't have to rely on people to take me to Macon (I live about 30 minutes away, a little less) and then hear them complain about it, thus making me feel so much worse. I just want to sink into the ground and dissappear, sometimes.
Since this entire blog was depressing, I am going to post a list of happy things, starting NOW:

• kittens
• crayons
• cutting a sheet of construction paper
• orange sherbert
• hot tea
• Chuck Palahniuk books
• good documentaries
• pens that write perfect and smooth
• the smell of the hardware store
• slushies from Target
• anything from Target
• 75% off sales
• Diet Dr. Pepper
• big giant purses
• birthday cake
• musical theatre
• the 'h' in my name
• braiding my boyfriend's hair
• peggle and tetris
• sharpie markers in every color
• coloring books
• getting my nails done
• gladiator sandals
• peach fuzz
• tattoos
• TATTOOS, did I mention tattoos?
• not having writer's block/artist's block
• making faces at dogs in cars
• big fuzzy blankets
• pygmy marmocets
• naps
• new soap/body wash

There is a lot to be happy about and/or grateful for.

I've got to remember that.